“Birthday is about Xander. Christmas is about Jesus.”

This is what my 3.5 year old has been saying for the last few days. I thought we were ready for December… and then we went to preschool today.

I may have overslept a bit this morning, so by the time I took Xander in they were already at the morning assembly. And singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Cue a morning full of fretting. Until today, my son knew the bearded man in a red suit as The Christmas Monster. I just knew that when I picked him up from school, Xander would know the man’s name. And he did. He even told me all about the chimney. It was easy enough to fix. “Santa is just pretend. He doesn’t give you presents. He isn’t real. Christmas is about Jesus.”

I talked with his teacher, who showed me her lesson plans for the month and let me choose what Xander was exempt from (which really wasn’t much; he can sing and craft all day long but he’s not writing a letter to Santa). No big deal, and we’re back in business.

But a tweet about the situation it set off some replies. So here, in paragraph form, is my response to the usual criticism. Note that these are my personal convictions about how to raise my family.

There’s nothing wrong with Santa.

An omnipresent, omniscient being who weighs your good deeds against your bad deeds and rewards you accordingly?

First of all, there is only One who is all-knowing and that is God.

Secondly, and this is nitpicky I know, but aren’t we setting up a works-based theology with that?

You can’t shield your kids forever.

I know that, and I’ve never attempted to do so.

I think that phrase, when applied to anything parents attempt to keep their children from being corrupted too soon, is one of the worst things to say to someone who is only trying to do the right thing. We are calling a person who is striving for moderation an extremist. We’re saying, “I gave up, and you should too.”

Of course I can’t keep Xander from ever seeing Santa, Frosty, or Rudolph. I can’t keep him from learning the songs or watching the movies – I’m fully aware that it will happen either at school or at a friend’s house.

But what I can do is keep it away from my home and out of my family’s tradition. What is so extreme about that?

My goal is simple: To remove the secular elements from religious holidays and, when possible (see: not cheesy) to add a Christian element to secular holidays.

I see our not observing Santa as just the first of many “other families do that, but we don’t” parenting moments.

You Can Do Both

I disagree.

“I explain what the true meaning of Christmas is, but we also do Santa because it’s fun.”

“I explain to my kids why it’s important to eat healthy, but I buy them lots of junk food because it tastes good.”

What’s the difference?

Your kids will resent you.

In our home, Santa doesn’t fulfill your list of wants, wrap them up, and leave a large and glorious pile under the tree.

In our home, your mother and father take the time to consider your personality, your interests, and your maturity. Then together they choose one, and I repeat, one gift to give to you as we all celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Birthdays are about our children and giving them a party, a cake, and a pile of presents in celebration of their life. Christmas is not.

The truth is this: At a certain age, whether you give you kids a few gifs or a lot of gifts, they will want more. We all remember that feeling of thinking our parents didn’t care about us enough to get us what we really wanted. And then we got older and it passed.

I’m not worried about resentment.

Well, what do you do?

We have done this for the past two years, but now that he’s old enough, we’re talking to Xander about it:

Our goal is to have Xander give and do far more than he receives. And I’m being very deliberate about it. After shopping together, I let Xander pack our Operation Christmas Child boxes. This week Xander is fulfilling the list of a little girl his age who is currently living in a group home. If there are other children in need of sponsoring after we are done, we will add another.

Last year, anytime a bell was ringing outside a store, Xander would insist that we put money inside. This year, he has a wallet full of change that he carries in his pocket anytime we go shopping, ready to give.

He is hand-making a gift or letter for his family members and friends.

He is memorizing Luke 2:8-14. No joke.

Our kids get one gift from us. The words “big” and “small”, “expensive” and “cheap” have nothing to do with it. Two years ago, we got Xander a workbench that still gets played with weekly, if not daily. Last year he received a four-wheeler that he loves and takes very good care of.

I don’t want my children’s favorite memories of Christmas as a child to be the rush of opening gifts, or the fun of made-up characters. I don’t even want their memories to be of Wintertime Togetherness.

I hope that, by God’s guidance, we can pass on to our children the legacy that their grandparents began – that Christmas is a time of worshipping God, especially through serving others.

Tags: faith, parenting